If the Lights Don't Shine for You: Mental Health During the Holidays

I went to town today to run some errands. Holiday decorations and lights were on full display; shops were bustling with people hunting for Christmas presents for their loved ones. Seeking a moment of quiet, I stepped into a fairly empty Moroccan café for a hot drink, where only a few guests were sitting at the tables.

As I looked around, one thing struck me: they were all tables of one. Just one person at each table, nibbling at their food or drinking their mint tea.

The town outside was crowded, so many people rushing about, yet here they were, alone. Almost invisible. No shopping bags, no piled-up presents. In that moment, I saw the world through a different lens.

The Hidden Struggle Behind the Tinsel

The holiday season is often painted as the happiest time of year. Images of families gathered around tables, children laughing, warm embraces, and joy. But for many people, this time brings something quite different: isolation, grief, financial stress, or the weight of expectations they simply cannot meet.

The statistics paint a sobering picture. Mental health crisis lines experience their busiest periods during the holiday season. While the relationship between suicide rates and Christmas is complex and varies by region, what's undeniable is that many people struggle profoundly during this time. The contrast between societal expectations of happiness and personal reality can feel unbearable.

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Heavy

There are many reasons why this season might feel particularly difficult:

Loneliness amplified. When the world around you celebrates connection and togetherness, being alone can feel even more painful. The absence of loved ones, whether through distance, death, or estrangement, becomes sharper against the backdrop of festive gatherings.

Financial pressure. The expectation to buy gifts, host meals, and participate in expensive traditions can create genuine stress, particularly for those already struggling financially. This pressure can lead to shame and a sense of failure.

Grief revisited. The holidays often mark the first, second, or tenth year without someone we love. Traditions that once brought joy now carry the weight of absence.

Family dynamics. For some, family gatherings aren't warm or safe. They might involve difficult relationships, old wounds, or environments that harm rather than heal.

Seasonal affective patterns. The darker, colder months can contribute to low mood and energy, making it harder to cope with additional stressors.

The weight of "should." Perhaps most insidiously, there's an expectation that we should be happy, that we should be celebrating. When we're not, we might feel broken or wrong, adding another layer of pain.

The Courage of Sitting at a Table for One

Those people in the café weren't weak or failures. They were there. They went out. They ordered something warm to drink. In their own way, they were taking care of themselves, even when it might have felt easier to stay home and disappear into the darkness.

There's a quiet courage in showing up for yourself when the world feels heavy. In recognising that you need a moment of warmth, even if you're taking it alone.

If This Season Feels Heavy

If you're reading this and recognising yourself in these words, please know: you're not alone, and you don't have to pretend you're okay to be worthy of love and support.

It's okay not to be okay. Your feelings are valid, even if they don't match what's expected during this season.

Here are some small steps that might help:

Reach out, even in small ways. Send a text to someone you trust. Call a crisis line if you need to talk. Connection doesn't have to be grand to be meaningful.

Lower the bar. You don't have to do Christmas "properly." If all you can manage is getting through the day, that's enough.

Create your own meaning. Traditions are meant to serve us, not the other way around. It's okay to skip events, create new rituals, or do things differently this year.

Seek professional support. Starting therapy or counselling during the holidays is absolutely okay. You don't have to wait for the "right time."

Be gentle with yourself. The kindness you'd show a friend struggling? Offer that to yourself too.

If Someone You Know Is Struggling

And if you're reading this thinking of someone else, please check in on them. Behind quiet smiles and "I'm fine" responses, there might be pain hiding in plain sight.

You don't need the perfect words. Sometimes, "I've been thinking about you" or "How are you really doing?" can open a door. Listen without trying to fix. Sit with them in their difficulty. Your presence matters more than you know.

They might only have you to talk to.

A Different Kind of Light

The holiday season doesn't have to be the happiest time of year to hold meaning still. Sometimes, the light we need isn't found in decorations or gatherings. Sometimes, it's in the quiet acknowledgment that we're struggling, in the decision to reach out, in the simple act of showing up for ourselves or others.

If you're sitting at your own table for one this season, metaphorically or literally, know that you matter. Your pain matters. Your experience matters. And when you're ready, support is available.

The journey to healing doesn't wait for January. It can start today