Empathy vs Sympathy: Understanding the Difference

We've all been in situations where we didn't know what to say or how to react when someone shares their struggles. Your internal dialogue might say, "Gosh, that's really difficult," but you know you should offer more. So you try. Perhaps you say, "I know it's hard, but at least not all is lost. Let's go and eat something; it will make you feel better." Or you might pause for a moment and say, "I'm really sorry to hear what happened. It's really tough losing something that means so much to you."

The difference between these two responses lies in the distinction between empathy and sympathy, and understanding this difference shapes how we establish meaningful relationships with others. The second response paused, considered what was said and what it meant to the speaker, and acknowledged it. It made the person feel understood and probably left them feeling slightly better. This is empathy.

What Is Sympathy? 

Sympathy exists as a form of distant emotional support. Imagine standing on the beach whilst watching someone fight against turbulent waters. You shout, "I'm deeply sorry about your situation." Your feelings of concern are genuine, but you remain outside their emotional experience. Your gesture shows kindness, yet it maintains a distance between your feelings and their suffering.

What Is Empathy? 

Empathy requires you to enter their emotional space, much like wading into the water to support them. It asks you to step into their position so you can more directly connect with their emotions. It creates a deeper bond because you place yourself right beside the person to share their experience. Your words express that you stand with them in their pain because you understand their suffering.

The distinction becomes clear through this basic definition: sympathy observes someone's difficulties, whilst empathy connects with their emotions more directly. Knowing when to offer sympathy or empathy is an essential life skill that needs to be developed.

When to Use Sympathy 

Sympathy serves best when someone requires a gentle expression of support without needing to confront intense emotions. A colleague mentions a distant family member's passing, your neighbour faces a minor challenge, or an acquaintance shares disappointing news. Expressing sympathy through "I'm sorry to hear that" demonstrates your concern without entering their deep emotional space.

When to Use Empathy 

The people who matter most to you and those who need deep emotional understanding benefit from empathy. Your partner returns home emotionally exhausted after a difficult day at work, your child faces rejection, or your best friend is going through heartbreak. Through empathy, you create a connection that shows them they don't carry their suffering alone.

How to Develop Empathy 

The foundation of empathy is active listening. Put away your phone and resist the urge to find the perfect response, because your presence matters most. Observe their vocal intonations, their body language, and the emotions beneath their words. The person needs to be heard without attempts to immediately solve their problems or dismiss their feelings. They need validation.

Reflect on what the other person is saying. You can show understanding by gently acknowledging their words or reflecting them back. Your active listening creates a safe space for them to continue sharing their thoughts and feelings.

Finding Balance 

The appropriate response depends on the situation, whether it requires sympathy to offer respectful distance or empathy to create closeness. Both are forms of care, each serving different purposes in our relationships. Understanding when to employ each allows us to support others in the way they truly need.